5 Ways to Combat

Homesickness and Loneliness in College

By Ellen M. Jones, M.A., LMFT, Thrive Therapist

“‘When you feel homesick,’ he said, ‘just look up.

Because the moon is the same wherever you go.'”

~Donna Tart

It’s time for another new school year! As you return from a summer at home, or as you take your first steps as a college student on your new campus, you might notice that things feel different than they did at home. There are exciting new experiences, people to meet, food to enjoy, and events to partake in, but sometimes amongst all the excitement, you might be missing home and feeling lonely. I remember my first year at Cal Poly, SLO when all of the fun from the Week of Welcome ended — I was feeling a little down and lost from missing my community back home. I had a roommate who was rarely in our room, something that I thought I would love, but ended up making me feel pretty lonely. I didn’t have a car to drive the 230+ miles home and visit and it just seemed like everyone else had more friends than I did. I was homesick.

Perhaps a little homesickness has crept into your excitement and with it, some feelings of anxiety and/or depression. Although mild homesickness is completely normal and part of the universal human experience, intense homesickness can be deeply distressing and debilitating (Thurber, 2012). As psychologist, John T. Cacioppo (2008), writes in Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, “When we are lonely, we not only react more intensely to the negatives; we also experience less of a soothing uplift from the positives.” In other words, when we are homesick and feeling alone, we are more likely to give into negative ways of thinking and less likely to allow ourselves to feel comfort. When we feel alone, life just gets a little more difficult.

What can I do to help combat my homesickness and loneliness?

Stay Connected with Your Friends and Family at Home

Just because your support system may be physically far away, does not mean that you have to be emotionally distant from them. Reaching out to your community for support during a challenging time is an important part of your mental health. Snap a photo of something that reminds you of a friend at home and send it to them, or give them a call when something exciting happens in your day. These are some of my favorite ways to stay connected with my loved ones from afar. No matter how far you are from home or how lonely you feel, don’t forget about the people at home because they want to hear from you — stay connected to your roots.

Create a New Routine for Yourself.

Along with utilizing your support system at home, it is important to focus on your day-to day in your new life and create a routine for yourself. As you start a new school year, this is the perfect time to focus on building healthy habits. Check out our recent blog articles about self-care and sleep quality for some pointers on what to be incorporating into your new routine. Focusing on what your day-to-day looks like can help you to stay present and engaged in the world you are curating around you. Being present with your current experience can be an important part of dealing with the homesickness.

Connect to Nature

Nature can also be an incredible source for feeling belonging and keeping loneliness away (especially the existential kind). In the 1960s, psychiatrist Harold Searles voiced this notion by stating that the natural world remains an integral part of the human psychological experience and to ignore this aspect is, “at peril to [our] psychological well-being” (Passmore, & Howell, 2014, p. 376). In a study conducted by psychologists within a shopping mall, natural elements were put into place and then removed to study a correlation between nature and sociability. In this study they found, “Even within built environments, brief exposure to natural elements has been shown to be conducive to improving social connections” (Passmore, & Howell, 2014, pg 378). So even if you’re engaging with Nature alone, you are spending time potentially in service of your social connections (along with the enjoyment of engaging with Nature itself). Nature is helpful at reminding us that when we are alone, it is always there for us. Check out our other blog post about the benefits of time in Nature.

Engage Socially & Build Community on Campus

Another important aspect for fighting off feelings of homesickness and loneliness in college is to get involved in campus life. Orient yourself to your new campus and get a good understanding of where the university services are located. It is important that you know where to go if you feel like you need help on campus. Along with this, check out the clubs and social gatherings happening all around you. Have you ever had an interest in learning to rock climb or throwing pottery or learning to basket weave? There’s probably a campus club for that. Do you identify as a POC, LGBTQIA+ or part of a marginalized community? There are safe spaces for belonging on campus. Connecting with like-minded individuals will help you to feel less lonely on campus. If you’re feeling shy, try introducing yourself to the person next to you in class or attending a club event as a spectator. If you’re feeling debilitating social anxiety, it might be time to talk with a professional.

Seek Professional Support

Talking to a professional therapist can be crucial if homesickness and loneliness in college is keeping you from reaching your full potential. While some of these difficult feelings are completely normal during such a big transition, if they feel debilitating or like they may be hindering you, it might be time to get some professional support. I have worked with many students and understand the intricacies of how loneliness, homesickness, social anxiety, and feelings of depression can show up in college. Schedule a session with me today and we can work together to find a deeper path to healing.

Along with the above tips, it is helpful to remember: you are not alone. Hopefully, reaching out for support from family, friends, and professionals can help you to remember this when your homesickness and loneliness in college begin to feel like a burden.

We hope you enjoyed this blog post. Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post.

References

Cacioppo, John T., et al. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. Tantor Media.

Passmore, H.-A., & Howell, A. J. (2014). Eco-existential positive psychology: Experiences in nature, existential anxieties, and well-being. The Humanistic Psychologist, 42(4), 370–388.

Thurber, Christopher A., and Edward A. Walton. (2012). “Homesickness and adjustment in university students.” Journal of American College Health 60(5) 415–419. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2012.673520.

Dear New College Student:

Congrats! You have made it through that magical, frustrating experience that is high school and are headed off to college! Here is a simple strategy to survive college:

Take It Slow

Didn’t see that one coming? I know. I’m sure everyone in your life is telling you that “these will be the best years of your life.” And you’re getting a lot of advice about making friends, joining every club, going Greek, getting a job, and even how to drink as a university student. All those to-dos can leave college freshmen and transfers nearly paralyzed with overwhelm. So let’s try something different: take your time. Slow down and get tour bearings before you dive in.

Relationships

Yes, relationships are an important part of how to survive college. Know that the first people you meet in college do not need to be your forever friends or your future spouse. Many friendships are built around shared experiences, and while there are many wonderful experiences during Orientation/Week of Welcome, there are often many more bonding moments throughout life. Your roommate does not need to be your sister from another mother – be aware that roommates often have their own honeymoon phase where they first are amazed by all of the wonderful similarities they have, but then quickly spiral into tense arguments when differences show up.

Sex

And, speaking of relationships, sex can wait too. Just because you haven’t yet doesn’t mean you never will. And if you’re not really interested, it’s probably a sign not to push through or to let the other person convince you. Believe me, it’s not worth saying “yes” because you can’t think of why to say “no.” Survive college with fewer hookup regrets.

Parties

When it comes to parties, don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. You do not need to prove your worth based on how many shots you’ve taken. Not everyone drinks in college and just because you don’t drink tonight doesn’t mean you never will. Survive college without incurring underage drinking or possession of alcohol charges, as well as avoiding hospital visits for alcohol overdose.

Greek Rush

Don’t rush into Rush. Focus on getting grounded and having a positive routine before you think about Greek Life. Fraternity and sorority recruitment take up an incredible amount of time and quite an emotional toll as well. It’s easy to lose track of all that’s happening in your life when you’re headed from one event to another. Maybe that’s why they call it rush? Many universities delay rush for that reason. If you have a choice to think about rushing in winter or spring, or even your sophomore year, choose that! You will end up knowing so much more about the chapters that you choose and you will feel great about them choosing you on bid day.

Schedule It!

One other simple strategy to take it slow and survive college? Put all of the following into a schedule (you can use your calendar on your phone) and protect that schedule no matter what!

Time For You: Find quiet spaces where you can connect with yourself. Don’t forget who you are in this time of transition.
Study Time: Break your assignments and studying down into small, manageable slots most days. Don’t save long, epic cramming sessions for right before finals.
Office Hours: Your professors are there to help, but it’s your responsibility to show up and prove you want to learn. Office hours are a great way to demonstrate your commitment to success, as well as to get to know your faculty.
Nutrition: Eat slowly and mindfully. This also helps with those of you that get tummy troubles when you have stress or anxiety. Looking for more tips on how to eat mindfully – check out this blog post by Dr. Albers, a mindful eating specialist.
Move Your Body: Exercise is a fantastic way to break up an academic day and keep your mind and body healthy and balanced.
Sleep: Try to keep sleep as consistent as possible for optimal brain functioning. Go to bed at the same time most nights and try to aim for seven to nine hours of sleep!

Feeling anxious? Not sure how to make this first year work for you? Got caught in all the excitement and now you’ve fallen behind? We are here for you! Contact us today to schedule a consultation and see if coaching or therapy is right for you!