queer affirming

Dr. Hannah Roberts · March 14, 2024 ·

Creating a Safe Space for LGBTQ+ People in Therapy

“It takes no compromise to give people their rights…

it takes no money to respect the individual.

It takes no political deal to give people freedom.

It takes no survey to remove repression.”

~Harvey Milk

by Gavin Hannegan, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Therapy can be an incredibly rewarding experience, so it is important to create a comfortable environment for your clients. For LGBTQ+ folk, it is even more important. The therapist-client relationship can offer a safe space for LGBTQ+ individuals to be able to freely express themselves without judgment. But this community may feel overwhelmed trying to find a therapist that affirms them. You might explicitly state that you welcome people of all backgrounds, which is a great start, but how can you follow this statement up with action?

Here, we will be offering a few tips to help you better affirm your LGBTQ+ clients. As you read, keep in mind that the process of building that trust with your client may take time. Some clients may be more receptive to you than others. But with enough time, the relationship you build with your LGBTQ+ clients can become a valuable resource for that community.

Be Open to Learn

A common misconception is that to be an LGBTQ-affirming therapist, you have to also identify as a member of the LGBTQ community, but practicing empathy with your clients can help bridge any gaps. One theme that emerged in interviews with SLO County residents who attended therapy is that positive experiences with therapists occurred when the therapist were willing to learn more about LGBTQ identities, regardless of if the therapist identified as LGBTQ or not (Bettergarcia et al., 2021). You might ask your clients some questions about their identities to better understand your perspective. Here are some examples:

“Tell me more about this.”
“I’m not sure I fully understand where you’re coming from. Could you help me understand?”
“What makes you feel most affirmed?”

Allow your clients to educate you too. They should feel comfortable enough to correct you and explain how that made them feel. However, it is not their job to teach you everything about how to effectively work with the LGBTQ+ population; you may need to do some homework and develop your knowledge outside of the session.

Actively Validate Their Identities

An active effort with your LGBTQ+ clients is key. In their research, Anzani et al. (2019) distinguish between passive forms of affirmation towards trans people (i.e., not using microaggressions) and active forms of affirmation (i.e., encouraging gender exploration). While both forms can be helpful, Anzani et al. (2019) recommend that therapists strive to be actively affirming in order to help their clients navigate the cisnormativity that exists within society. Active validation looks like:

Connecting your clients to local groups and resources
Using your client’s correct name and pronouns before, during, and after transitioning
Treating your client’s identities as normal and authentic

In other words, an affirming therapist should do more than the bare minimum. The work that you do with the LGBTQ+ population can create positive change both in and out of a session. Take some time to reflect on how you approach LGBTQ+ issues with your clients. Do you simply acknowledge homophobia or transphobia or do you work with your clients to develop tactics to combat these prejudices?

Treat Your Clients as Individuals, Rather Than as Representatives of A Group

The ways in which one client experiences their identities might not be the same ways that other queer folk experience their identities. If you generalize these experiences by saying something like, “All gay people experience…,” then that could harm your connection with your clients. Remember that the label of LGBTQ+ encompasses many different identities. In one survey, mental health clinicians reported that even though they might be affirming of lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients equally, they actually perceive themselves to be more competent when treating lesbian and gay clients compared to bisexual clients (Ebersole et al., 2018). Each of these distinct identities can bring unique experiences–on top of the unique experiences that each individual already has! If you feel unfamiliar with some of the identities within the LGBTQ+ label, it may be best to do some research on your own time. You can also ask your clients for clarification, but do this sparingly. You might also need to adopt a multicultural approach and to consider the interplay of multiple identities. Keefe et al. (2023) found that racial and ethnic minorities who also identified as LGBQ responded best to mental health programs that emphasized the minority stress model, compared to those that did not implement this model. In other words, racial and ethnic minorities may be subject to discrimination based on race and discrimination based on LGBTQ+ status, so you should account for each of these influences when they apply.

One last note: a client’s reasons for attending therapy might not even be related to their gender or sexual identity. While you should not outright ignore their identities, it may not be necessary to always attribute certain topics to their gender identity or sexual orientation. These identities are just a few aspects of who someone is. Remember that this is your journey, and you deserve to feel respected and affirmed in the ways that feel most comfortable to you.

Feel like you want your clients to have more information? Here’s a blog post that features the same tips, but directed specifically towards potential clients seeking LGBTQ-affirming therapists.

Have more questions or feel like you need supportive therapy? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Anzani, A., Morris, E. R., & Galupo, P. (2019). From absence of microaggressions to seeing authentic gender: Transgender clients’ experiences with microaffirmations in therapy. Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, 13(4), 258-275. https://doi.org/10.1080/15538605.2019.1662359

Bettergarcia, J., Wedell, E., Shrewsbury, A. M., & Thomson, B. R. (2021). “There’s a stopgap in the conversation”: LGBTQ+ mental health care and community connection in a semi-rural county. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Mental Health, 26(1), 48-75. https://doi.org/10.1080/19359705.2021.1900973

Ebersole, R. C., Dillon, F. R., & Eklund, A. C. (2018). Mental health clinicians’ perceived competence for affirmative practice with bisexual clients in comparison to lesbian and gay clients. Journal of Bisexuality, 18(2), 127-144. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299716.2018.1428711

Keefe, J. R., Rodriguez-Seijas, C., Jackson, S. D., Bränström R., Harkness, A., Safren, S. A., Hatzenbuehler, M. L., & Pachankis, J. E. (2023). Moderators of LGBQ-affirmative cognitive behavioral therapy: ESTEEM is especially effective among Black and Latino sexual minority men. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 91(3), 150-164. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000799

Dr. Hannah Roberts · March 1, 2024 ·

Queer-Affirming Therapy:

Finding a Safe Space

“It is absolutely imperative that every human being’s

freedom and human rights are respected,

all over the world.”

– Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir

by Gavin Hannegan, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Therapy can be an incredibly rewarding experience, so it is important to find a therapist that you would feel comfortable with. For LGBTQ+ folk, it is even more important to find queer-affirming therapy. The therapist-client relationship can offer a safe space for you to be able to freely express yourself without judgment. The process of finding queer-affirming therapy can feel overwhelming. Some therapists explicitly state that they welcome people of all backgrounds, but other times, the cues can be a bit harder to read.

Here, I will be offering a few signs to look out for to help you determine if you would feel affirmed by your therapist. As you read, keep in mind that the process of building that trust with your therapist may take time. You might also respond differently to different therapists. There is no rush to feel comfortable right away!

Your Therapist Is Open to Learn

A common misconception is that an LGBTQ-affirming therapist has to also identify as LGBTQ, but there are plenty of straight or cisgendered therapists who can empathize with your experiences. One theme that emerged in interviews with SLO County residents who attended therapy is that positive experiences with therapists occurred when the therapist were willing to learn more about LGBTQ identities, regardless of if the therapist identified as LGBTQ or not (Bettergarcia et al., 2021). A therapist might ask you some questions about your identity to better understand your perspective. It is also okay for you to educate your therapist when the opportunity arises. Here are some examples:

“I actually go by this name, and I use these pronouns.”
“No, I haven’t really felt that way. I feel more like this…”
“That term is a little outdated, it’s more appropriate to say this…”

You are well within your right to correct your therapist and explain how that made you feel. However, it is not your job to teach your therapist everything about how to effectively work with the LGBTQ+ population; the therapist may need to do some homework and develop their knowledge outside of the session.

Your Therapist Actively Validates Your Identities

An active effort on the part of the therapist is key. In their research, Anzani et al. (2019)

distinguish between passive forms of affirmation towards trans people (i.e., not using microaggressions) and active forms of affirmation (i.e., encouraging gender exploration). While both forms can be helpful, Anzani et al. (2019) recommend that therapists strive to be actively affirming in order to help their clients navigate the cisnormativity that exists within society. Active validation looks like:

Your therapist connecting you to local groups and resources
Your therapist using the correct name and pronouns before, during, and after transitioning
Your therapist treating your identities as normal and authentic

In other words, an affirming therapist should do more than the bare minimum. When meeting with your therapist, you can ask them directly how they will actively validate your LGBTQ+ identities. If this feels too forward, you can also take note of how your therapist responds to LGBTQ+ issues. Do they simply acknowledge homophobia or transphobia or do they work with you to develop tactics to combat these prejudices?

Your Therapist Treats You As An Individual, Rather Than a Representative of Your Identity

The ways in which you experience your identities might not be the same ways that other queer folk experience their identities. If a therapist generalizes these experiences as representative of the broad LGBTQ+ community (i.e., “All gay people experience…”), then they might be missing some important details. For starters, the label of LGBTQ+ encompasses many different identities. In one survey, mental health clinicians reported that even though they might be affirming of lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients equally, they actually perceive themselves to be more competent when treating lesbian and gay clients compared to bisexual clients (Ebersole et al., 2018). Each of these distinct identities can bring unique experiences–on top of the unique experiences that each individual already has! Again, you are more than welcome to correct your therapist if they make a generalization, but don’t feel responsible for teaching your therapist about the diversity of LGBTQ+ identities. You might also encourage your therapist to adopt a multicultural approach and to consider the interplay of multiple identities. Keefe et al. (2023) found that racial and ethnic minorities who also identified as LGBQ responded best to mental health programs that emphasized the minority stress model, compared to those that did not implement this model. In other words, racial and ethnic minorities may be subject to discrimination based on race and discrimination based on LGBTQ+ status, so your therapist should account for each of these influences.

One last note: your reasons for attending therapy might not even be related to your gender or sexual identity. While affirming therapists should not outright ignore your identities, it may not be necessary for your therapist to always attribute certain topics to your gender identity or sexual orientation. These identities are just a few aspects of who you are. Remember that this is your journey, and you deserve to feel respected and affirmed in the ways that feel most comfortable to you.

Feel like you want your therapist to have more information? Here’s a blog post that features the same tips, but directed specifically towards those in the helping profession.

Have more questions or feel like you need queer-affirming therapy? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 22, 2024 ·

Integrating Faith and Your LGBTQ Identity:

It Doesn’t Have to Be Either/Or

“My faith is a choice.

My morality is a choice.

My sexual orientation however isn’t.”
― Anthony Venn-Brown

by Gavin Hannegan, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Religion and sexuality are two identities that are often viewed as incompatible, but they do not have to be. Who we love and what we believe in are important aspects of who we are; sacrificing one over the other prevents us from living as authentically as possible. Religion and sexuality are also very sensitive topics. It can feel scary to talk about integrating your faith and your LGBTQ identity freely. It can feel even scarier to think about them in the same context. With this post, I hope to ease some of these tensions and recommend ways to bring these identities into harmony.

#1: Recognize That Queerness and Faith Can Be Complementary

If a total integration of faith and your LGBTQ identity seems too daunting at first, try finding small ways to incorporate one of these identities with the other. In one study, religious LGBTQ+ individuals reported that finding themes of unconditional love from their religions helped them feel more accepting of their queer identities (Rosenkrantz et al., 2016). The same study also found that people were encouraged to explore and personalize their relationship with their religion after reflecting on their unique experience as a member of the LGBTQ+ community (Rosenkrantz et al., 2016). These strategies can help you learn to love each of these identities individually and will make the integration process feel much smoother.

#2: Reread Your Religion’s Scripture

Some of the passages from religious texts that are considered anti-LGBTQ+ may be misinterpreted. The culture of today does not always align with that of the authors of such texts, and the meanings of certain words or phrases may have shifted over time. Such sentiments may also be intertwined with specific political views and agendas (Worthen et al., 2017). Feel free to come up with your own interpretation of these texts to best fit your own unique circumstances. Or talk with local religious leaders or members of the community to hear their perspectives on passages of interest.

#3: Look for LGBTQ-Affirming Places of Worship

More and more religious organizations have expressed their commitment to LGBTQ equality and have opened their doors to people of all backgrounds. Unfortunately, there are still some groups that are more ambiguous or are even outwardly against expressions of queerness. Take some time to research local places of worship and find a place where you would feel accepted and safe integrating faith and your LGBTQ identity. Examples of affirming places of worship in SLO County include the United Church of Christ, Saint Barnabas’ Episcopal Church, and Congregation Beth David. GayChurch.org has also compiled a directory of all LGBTQ+ affirming churches in the world. These spaces are also useful for connecting you with your LGBTQ+ religious peers, who can help guide your identity development (Fuist, 2016).

#4: Integrate Your Identities at Your Own Pace

There are many different ways to live as both a queer person and a person of faith (Fuist, 2016). Some people may feel comfortable speaking about their experience as a queer person in a religious setting (or vice versa) to inspire openness and acceptance among others. Some people might only feel comfortable treating faith and queerness as separate hats to wear. Other people still might treat their religion as a personal experience and may not attend places of worship. How you choose to experience your identities is entirely up to you, but allow yourself the opportunity and the grace to explore these identities together.

Have more questions or feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Fuist, T. N. (2016). “It just always seemed like it wasn’t a big deal, yet I know for some people they really struggle with it”: LGBT religious identities in context. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 55(4), 770-786. https://doi.org/10.1111/jssr.12291

Rosenkrantz, D. E., Rostosky, S. S., Riggle, E. D. B., & Cook, J. R. (2016). The positive aspects of intersecting religious/spiritual and LGBTQ identities. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 3(2), 127-138. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/scp0000095

Worthen, M. G. F., Lingiardi, V., & Caristo, C. (2017). The roles of politics, feminism, and religion in attitudes toward LGBT individuals: A cross-cultural study of college students in the USA, Italy, and Spain. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 14, 241-258. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-016-0244-y

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 15, 2024 ·

Hello Thrivers!

This month, you’ll be hearing more from us as we are introducing a new blog!

Our intern, Gavin Hannegan is an undergraduate student at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts. He’ll be sharing some weekly blog posts that we think you might find helpful regarding queer identities (LGBTQIA+) and queer-affirming therapy, which is a special passion for us here at Thrive SLO. We’re so glad to have you join us for this conversation!

Support Your Trans Child: Best Practices

“I can’t begin to express how remarkable it feels

to finally love who I am enough

to pursue my authentic self.”

-Elliot Page, actor

Coming out as trans is not an easy thing to do. For many transgender children, they have been planning to tell their parents for months, years, or even decades. If they come out to you, that means that your child trusts you with personal information. They want to share with you their true, authentic self. Knowing that you want to support your child is an important first step, but how best to do that? With all of the prejudice against LGBTQ+ people occurring around the world, can your support make a difference? Yes it can!

Here are 5 practices to help you best support your trans child.

#1: It’s Okay to Give Yourself Time to Process

It is totally normal to feel unsure or confused about your child’s trans identity. That does not make you a bad parent! One strategy that other parents of trans children have found helpful is to allow yourself some grace as you adjust what you may have expected your child’s life to be like (Sansfaçon et al., 2019). Through this reflection, you can better attend to the needs of your child. It is also okay to be honest with your child and let them know how you are feeling, but don’t let your grief dominate your relationship. Tell them that you are supportive but that you need time to process. Chances are that your child also needed some time to come to terms with their identity.

#2: Find a Support Group with Other Parents of Trans Children

There are plenty of other parents who have gone through similar situations. Reach out to any parents in your community with trans children and ask for their advice. These parents can validate your feelings and direct you to resources to help support your trans child, including where to access gender-affirming medical care. Or, if you don’t know anyone with a trans child, join a support group online. Support groups have been found to improve parents’ understanding of their child’s gender identity, strengthen the relationship between parent and child, and foster a sense of empowerment (Dangaltcheva et al., 2021). Building connections with trans allies is an especially important tool for combating systemic prejudice.

#3: Engage in Open Conversations With the LGBTQ+ Community

These conversations can seem intimidating, but they are important to have. Enter these conversations with a desire to learn and a willingness to change your perspectives, if needed. You can watch videos made by trans individuals on platforms such as YouTube or TikTok. You should also give your child a safe space to talk more about their experiences as a trans individual. It’s possible that you may say the wrong thing or not know how to respond–and that’s okay! The goal here is to support your trans child by letting them feel heard.

#4: Help Your Child Seek Out Gender-Affirming Medical Care

While not essential for everyone, many trans children seek out medical care (when age and developmentally appropriate) to help them physically transition into their experienced gender identity. This can include, but not limited to, hormone therapy, top surgery, or speech therapy. With parental support, trans and gender non-conforming youth report feeling more confident accessing and utilizing gender-affirming medical care (Pflugeisen et al., 2023). Your child should determine what type of care they need, although be sure to have you and your child consult with a medical professional throughout the process. Your support can include financial resources, researching gender-affirming medical practitioners, or accompanying your child to appointments.

#5: Love Your Child for Who They Are!

The most important resource you can provide for your trans child is love. Their trans identity is just one part of who they are. The core human being that you’ve loved for all of their life has not changed. By continuing to accept and love your child, the relationship between you two may become even stronger (Sansfaçon et al., 2015). Also, remember that this is your child’s journey, not yours. Don’t let your anxieties keep you from showing your child the respect and appreciation that they deserve. Even if the process towards acceptance is longer than you would think, the hard work that both of you put into this relationship will pay off.

Have more questions or feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 8, 2024 ·

Hello Thrivers!

This month, you’ll be hearing more from us as we are introducing a new blog!

Our intern, Gavin Hannegan is an undergraduate student at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts. He’ll be sharing some weekly blog posts we think you might find helpful regarding queer identities (LGBTQIA+) and queer-affirming therapy, which is a special passion for us here at Thrive SLO. We’re so glad to have you join us for this conversation!

A Brief Guide to Coming Out

“We are not what other people say we are.

We are who we know ourselves to be, and we are what we love.

That’s okay.”

— Laverne Cox

One of many milestones for members of the LGBTQ+ community is coming out. Because we live in a world that assumes everyone is straight and cisgender, disclosing your queer or trans identity to others is an expected component to your identity development. While this process may be intimidating, coming out can also be relieving and empowering. Before anything else, be proud that you have reached a point where you are feeling ready to share your true identity with others.

Even if you’re ready to come out, you may be asking, “How do I come out?” Everyone experiences their identities in different ways, so there may not be a one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are 4 important factors to consider when deciding to come out.

#1: Consider the Context

It may be necessary to consider the who, where, and when of the coming out process. Unfortunately, some individuals may be less receptive to LGBTQ+ identities due to cultural, religious, or other personal reasons (Tamagawa 2017). Some countries even criminalize LGBTQ+ status. Although the U.S. is moving towards a greater acceptance of LGBTQ+ folk, younger cohorts of queer people are just as likely as older cohorts to have their identities invalidated by their parents (van Bergen et al., 2021). Even more concerning, the threat of violence affects how freely trans individuals express their identity (Brumbaugh-Johnson & Hull, 2018). While you deserve to present yourself authentically, recognize that your personal safety is also important. This is especially imperative for queer and trans youth under the age of 18.

#2: There Are Many Different Ways to Come Out

You can choose to sit down with a close friend or family member when you are coming out and come out to them in private. You can also leave a note or send a text if you want to avoid seeing others’ initial reactions. Coming out can be as grand as a PowerPoint presentation or as simple as a matter-of-fact statement. You can even come out indirectly through a meme or a video made by someone else. The “right” way to come out depends on what you are most comfortable with. Additionally, what you disclose is entirely up to you. If you need inspiration, check out the variety of coming out videos posted on YouTube. Many of these videos do a great job of framing coming out not simply as an announcement, but as the culmination of a personal journey towards self-love (Lovelock 2019).

#3: You Will Likely Have to Come Out More Than Once

Coming out is an ongoing process. In addition to friends and family, you might also have to come out to your boss, coworkers, medical care providers, and other people that you encounter regularly. For those who are disclosing their sexuality, the coming out process is much simpler, and can often amount to you referring to the name of your romantic partner, for example. However, there may be additional steps for those who are disclosing their gender identity. This may include asking others to refer to you using your preferred name and pronouns or updating your medical records. Trans individuals may even have to come out twice to the same person if they previously came out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

#4: You Are Not Alone

There are millions of LGBTQ+ individuals who have experienced the same concerns, fears, or excitement that coming out brings. There are also millions of straight and cisgender allies who are eager to support you in this process. Ask for help when you need it! Strong social networks, whether in your local community or online, can share advice, congratulate you each time you come out, and connect you to affirming organizations. You can also ask others to be in the room with you as you come out, or you can even ask others to come out for you. People that love you for who you are will allow you to love yourself for who you are. And remember that there is no rush to come out. Take as much time as you need to feel comfortable, safe, and proud.

Feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Brumbaugh-Johnson, S. M. & Hull, K. E. (2018). Coming out as transgender: Navigating the social implications of a transgender identity. Journal of Homosexuality, 66(8), 1148-1177. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2018.1493253.

Lovelock, M. (2019). “My coming out story”: Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth identities on YouTube. International Journal of Cultural Studies, 22(1), 70-85. https://doi.org/10.1177/1367877917720237.

Tamagawa, M. (2017). Coming out to parents in Japan: A sociocultural analysis of lived experiences. Sexuality & Culture, 22, 497-520. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-017-9481-3.

van Bergen, D. D., Wilson, B. D. M., Russell, S. T., Gordon, A. G., & Rothblum, E. D. (2021). Parental responses to coming out by lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or two-spirited people across three age cohorts. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(4), 1116-1133. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12731.