mental health

Dr. Hannah Roberts · July 11, 2024 ·

Social Media and Self-Esteem:

3 Ways to Improve the Way Social Media

Makes You Feel

By: Ella-Mei Matias, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Social media seems to consume us nowadays. From mindlessly scrolling, to relaxation, or even when using with friends, it’s everywhere. While social media offers many positive aspects, like allowing us to express ourselves or nurture our connections with others, it has many negative side effects. Aside from being highly compelling, it appears to be contributing to low self-esteem – especially for adolescent users. Why does this seem to be the case?

The Problem

While scrolling through various apps, TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, or otherwise, we can see into the lives of hundreds of other people. In this scrolling, we can be exposed to many stimuli which can have negative effects – friends hanging out without us, influencers with items we want, or people with traits we wish we possessed.

The Comparison Aspect

Comparison is normal, and it helps us gauge our sense of self (Angela, 2021). For example, when playing a sport, you may compare your ability and skills to your teammates, or in class, you may compare your grades to others in order to assess your performance. While these comparisons help us understand ourselves better, social media leads to increasingly upward social comparison; we’re constantly shown the most positive aspects of others’ lives, and the best, edited versions of others. This form of comparison can negatively impact our self-esteem and can lead to lower mood, negative self-appraisals, and emotional problems. It can also lead to a need for social approval – via follows, likes, views, or comments.

How to Use Social Media in a More Positive Way

It’s clear that social media can have some detrimental impacts on our mental health, but what can we do about it? It’s been shown that the way social media affects us is based on the way we interact with and approach social media. Essentially, the best way to use social media is by being mindful about how we use it and creating a positive online environment – and remember, you can always turn off your phone! Here are some ways that you can be more mindful of your social media:

Engage Mindfully

Check-in with yourself: when using social media, ask yourself some questions. Is what you’re seeing online true to how people really are in real life? Why do you feel validated by social media? Do you feel better or worse after using social media? While scrolling online, you can do regular check-ins – is what I’m seeing helping or harming me? (Jacobson, 2022).
Focus on the positives: social media can be used for many positive purposes. You create your social media environment! Engage in meaningful connections and weed out anything in your feed that makes you feel negative.
Portray an authentic version of yourself: being true to yourself in the way you present yourself on social media can help you take it less seriously! Post for enjoyment, not because you believe it will get you likes.
Interact: it’s easy to mindlessly scroll and consume media, but this can unknowingly lead to feelings of disconnection or loneliness (Social Media, 2020). By interacting with media you are also more likely to be mindful about your social media usage.
Surround yourself with others who don’t use social media: after all, we tend to behave in similar ways to those we are close to!

Set Boundaries

Take social media breaks: sometimes a detox can help! This could be for any period of time that feels reasonable to you – 24 hours, or a week, you could even try taking a month off. Taking breaks from social media can help you realize how much you truly use it, and returning to social media after taking some time off can help you be more mindful about how you use it. During this time try and pick up some new hobbies!
Set boundaries: if you find yourself mindlessly consuming media, it can help to set rigid boundaries. This could include only going on an app for a certain amount of time in one sitting, turning your phone off or on airplane mode during certain times of the day, setting a time-limit for the day, or turning off notifications.

Focus on Real Life

Focus on your relationships: by prioritizing your relationships, and having a strong support system, you can decrease the ways that social media impacts your self-esteem. Focusing on the people you see face-to-face can help you to create a strong sense of self, supported by the people who know you best. It can also help decrease the likelihood of having problematic social media use.
Focus on your sense of self: by focusing on who you are without social media, you are able to create realistic and more genuine forms of self-esteem and ways of viewing yourself. When you confidently know who you are, you are less likely to be harmed by negative perceptions on social media (Akdag, 2024).
Realize it’s not real: social media only presents the most positive aspects of one’s life and is unrealistic – you won’t always look the same as someone who can review and edit photos or videos and people will usually only post images of themselves at their best (which isn’t realistic).
Practice gratitude: take some time to be grateful for what you do have! It can be easy to focus on what we don’t have when we are constantly shown idealistic online presentations, but taking time to reflect on what you already have is important (Mindful Social Media).

Feel like you’re struggling with your social media or ready to start therapy in California today? Schedule a session with one of our therapists! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post.

References

Acar, I. H., Avcilar, G., Yazici, G., & Bostanci, S. (2022). The roles of adolescents’ emotional problems and social media addiction on their self-esteem. Current Psychology, 41(10), 6838+. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s12144-020-01174-5

Akdag, B., & Unsal, C. (2024). The Mediating Role of Self-Esteem Bettveen Meaning in Life and Social Media Addiction. ADDICTA: The Turkish Journal on Addictions, 11(1), 99+. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.5152/ADDICTA.2024.23126

Angela. (2021, February 27). Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others – Mind, Body and Soul. Mind, Body and Soul. https://wp.nyu.edu/mind/2021/02/27/why-do-we-compare-ourselves-to-others/#:~:text=Comparisons%20allow%20us%20to%20form

Bergman, M. (2024, January 10). Social media’s effects on self-esteem | social media victims law center. Social Media Victim’s Law Center. https://socialmediavictims.org/mental-health/self-esteem/

Hatun, O., & Kurtca, T. T. (2023). Examining the Relationship Between Social Support and Social Media Addiction: Role of Self-Esteem. ADDICTA: The Turkish Journal on Addictions, 10(2), 142+. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.5152/ADDICTA.2023.23033

Jacobson, R. (2022, September 2). Social Media and Self-Doubt. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/social-media-and-self-doubt/

Mindful Social Media Use. (n.d.). Care-Clinics.com. Retrieved June 29, 2024, from https://care-clinics.com/mindful-social-media-use/#:~:text=Unfollow%20or%20mute%20accounts%20thatSocial Media: 6 Tips for Mindfulness. (2020, February 5). PrairieCare. https://prairie-care.com/resources/type/blog/social-media-6-tips-for-mindfulness/

Dr. Hannah Roberts · July 9, 2024 ·

Summer Self-Care Series:

An Intro to Mental Wellness

by Taylor Ureta, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Happy summer, Thrivers! Welcome to the first section of the Summer Self-Care Series. With bright skies and sunny days ahead, this series will highlight the perfect opportunity to prioritize summer self-care. Here at Thrive, we emphasize that alongside therapy, self-care is crucial for effectively managing many challenges, especially anxiety and trauma.

What Is Self-Care?

Self-care involves intentional practices to restore one’s physical and emotional health to manage stress and promote overall well-being (Bible, 2017; Schmutte, 2017). From journaling to hiking, self-care includes anything you do to keep yourself mentally, physically, or spiritually healthy. Doing acts of self-care might seem simple enough, but in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, self-care can be easy to overlook. Between school deadlines and work obligations, carving out time for yourself can feel like a burden. However, self-care is not just about pampering yourself; it’s about taking all the necessary steps to ensure your physical and mental health are balanced. By integrating self-care practices into your routine, you can reduce stress, increase energy levels, and enhance your ability to cope with daily challenges.

How Does Summer Self-Care Impact My Mental Health?

Self-care can significantly impact your mental health and may act as a “personal medicine” to help decrease symptoms and improve your overall mood and well-being (Bible, 2017). For example, self-care activities help to release endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good hormone, boosting your mood and helping you cope with negative emotions. When used effectively, self-care practices can also reduce stress hormones and promote feelings of calm, relaxation, and self-awareness.

When struggling with anxiety and trauma, self-care can act as a protective measure against the negative effects of these conditions. Practicing regular self-care acts like deep breathing techniques or muscle relaxation can equip you with tools to manage anxiety symptoms like panic attacks, racing thoughts, and physical tension. Self-care activities that promote relaxation and self-awareness can also help you regulate emotions that may accompany anxiety and trauma.

Ultimately, self-care can be an effective way to maintain your health and well-being. Alongside therapy, effective self-care monitoring and management can help you gain a better understanding of your symptoms and how to address them (Riegel, 2021).

How Do I Start Incorporating Self-Care Into My Routine?

The key to summer self-care is exploring different practices and identifying those that resonate with your individual needs and abilities. What works for one person might not work for another. While some people find comfort in meditation, others may need the energy boost of a group fitness class. Self-care practices can also range from activities that give life meaning or purpose to spending time in nature or with loved ones.

Now think to yourself: “what makes me feel good?” “What helps me relax?”

Maybe you thought about how journaling before bed every night helps you unwind, or how going for a walk around your neighborhood gives you a great boost of energy. Either way, when you find those little acts of self-care, you should start incorporating them into your daily or weekly routine. Figuring out the most effective acts of self-care for yourself will help promote consistency and lead to more positive outcomes.

Why Is Summer the Perfect Opportunity for Self-Care?

Whether it’s enjoying sunlight with mood-boosting vitamin D, engaging in outdoor exercises, or simply taking time off to recharge, summer provides great moments to prioritize your mental and physical well-being. It’s the perfect time to establish and reinforce healthy habits that can benefit you throughout the year.

In the next few weeks, we’ll discuss how summer self-care approaches that support physical wellness can improve your overall health, especially when managing anxiety and trauma (Schmutte et al., 2017). Starting with the importance of sleep, we’ll delve deeper into specific self-care practices to improve your mental and physical well-being.

See you next week and happy summer!

Have more questions or feel ready to start therapy in California today? Schedule a session with one of our therapists! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post.

References

Bible, L. J., Casper, K. A., Seifert, J. L., & Porter, K. A. (2017). Assessment of self-care and

medication adherence in individuals with mental health conditions. Journal of the American Pharmacists Association: JAPhA, 57(3S), S203–S210.e3. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.japh.2017.02.023

Riegel, B., Dunbar, S. B., Fitzsimons, D., Freedland, K. E., Lee, C. S., Middleton, S., Stromberg, A., Vellone, E., Webber, D. E., & Jaarsma, T. (2021). Self-care research: Where are we

now? Where are we going? International Journal of Nursing Studies, 116. https://doi-org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1016/j.ijnurstu.2019.103402

Schmutte, T., Davidson, L., & O’Connell, M. (2018). Improved sleep, diet, and exercise in adults

with serious mental illness: Results from a pilot self-management intervention. Psychiatric Quarterly, 89(1), 61–71. https://doi-org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s11126-017-9516-9

Dr. Hannah Roberts · April 25, 2024 ·

How To: Have Better Boundaries with Your Smartphone

“Almost everything will work again if you

unplug it for a few minutes,

including you.”

~Anne Lamott

by Gavin Hannegan, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Every Sunday morning, my iPhone sends me a notification reviewing my average screen time for the week (for some reason, I always get the message at exactly 9:13am). Some weeks I feel proud of the number. A lower screen time usually means that I had a productive week and that most of the time spent on my phone was used for school- or work-related reasons. Other weeks I’m not as proud. A decision to take a quick TikTok break may have turned into an hour-long escape from my responsibilities. Weeks like that make me feel guilty, that I should have never opened those apps to begin with. But phones aren’t necessarily a “bad thing.” The key factor is how you use your phone.

I’m not going to tell you to throw your phone in the garbage can. Not only is it unrealistic to quit your phone usage cold turkey, but it’s also one of the hardest ways to practice self-control related to screen-time (Brevers & Turel, 2019). Smartphones have become an essential component of modern life. They are an efficient way to communicate with friends, family, and even our employers. For college students who are away from home, smartphones may be one of the only ways we are able to check in with our loved ones. The convenience of apps like GPS, calendars, and mobile delivery services are incredibly valuable for the working individual. You may even be reading this blog post on a mobile device. But there are evidence-based ways to enjoy our phones in moderation, to mitigate the health risks that increase the more time we spend scrolling. It can be hard to say “no” to your phone, so here are some recommendations for creating a more healthy relationship with your cellular device.

Set Screen Time Goals

Be specific and realistic with how much time you want to spend on your phone. Account for what you typically do with your phone on a given day. Consider your current average screen time as a baseline. Based on a sample of college students, your daily screen time should be no more than 5 hours. From 5 hours onward, each successive hour spent on phone usage will increase the risk of depressive symptoms by 20% (Rosenthal et al., 2021). If your daily screen time tends to be more than 5 hours, take a look in your phone’s settings to see a breakdown of how frequently you use each app. This will help you identify some of the “problem areas” and will allow your goals to be more concrete. On Apple devices, you can click Settings > Screen Time > App Limits to determine how much time your phone will allow you to spend on a particular set of apps.

Regulate the Amount of Notifications You Receive per Day

Some apps may send too much spam, so it’s easy to turn notifications off for those specific cases, or delete those apps entirely. But what about messages that you don’t want to miss, like a text from Mom or an important update in the group chat? One study recommends a technique called batching, which is where your notifications appear at set times throughout the day. When notifications are scheduled to appear 3 times a day, phone users report higher levels of well-being compared to those who did not regulate their notifications and those who turned off all of their notifications. Unpredictable notifications can be distracting, while a long-term “Do Not Disturb” setting can actually increase anxiety through the fear of missing out (FOMO) (Fitz et al., 2019). To batch your notifications on an Apple device, go to Settings > Notifications > Scheduled Summary.

Limit Phone Usage Especially Before Sleep

The best time to start implementing these strategies is before your bedtime. Sleep is crucial for the regulation of our body and mind, but the use of our phones even an hour before we rest our eyes can disrupt this regulation. This is because the blue light emitted from phones slows the production of melatonin, a hormone involved in maintaining our circadian rhythm. If our circadian rhythm is disrupted, then we have a harder time falling and staying asleep, and we also feel more groggy and tired during the day (Cajochen et al., 2011). As screen time goes up, our sleep quality goes down. Over time, the worse our sleep becomes, the more likely we are to experience a number of negative health outcomes such as obesity, feelings of depression, and strokes (Christensen et al., 2016). While an eventual goal may be to cut phone usage well before we sleep, there are some ways to start smaller. You can reduce the blue light on Apple devices by going to Settings > Display & Brightness > Night Shift, which will make your screen have a warmer tone as the day gets darker. Another tip is to put your phone away before beginning your nighttime routine. This will allow you to direct all of your attention on your skincare, for example, without feeling distracted by your phone. Lastly, leave your phone out of reach while you sleep to reduce any temptations.

Spend Time with Your Friends Instead of Your Phone

This is not the same as interacting with your friends on social media platforms. When we feel the impulse to scroll on social media, it’s often because we feel bored, lonely, or want to suppress our FOMO. And these feelings arise out of a need for social and psychological stimulation. What’s ironic, though, is that when we resort to our smartphones to attempt to gain that stimulation, we effectively reject the stimulation that we would receive–and should be receiving–from in-person interactions (Gao et al., 2023). There’s a term for this process: phubbing. Phubbing is a portmanteau of the words “phone” and “snubbing”, referencing how a person will choose to focus on their phone rather than on the person they’re having a conversation with (Gao et al., 2023). But phubbing doesn’t give us the stimulation that we’re looking for. In fact, it damages our social relationships. Phubbing can lower the relationship quality of romantic couples by making partners feel excluded, ignored, and less intimate (Beukeboom & Pollmann, 2021). Our phones cannot be a substitute for healthy social interaction.

No phone setting this time; just make plans with your friends! You may have busy schedules with school or work, but just a quick lunch break or a walk around the park will help you feel socially connected. These activities can satisfy your needs and take up the time that you may have otherwise spent on your phone. Even if you bring your phone to a social event, you can still prioritize your friend group by watching videos or looking up information together on one device (Beukeboom & Pollmann, 2021).

We hope these tips give you a variety of options to tailor your phone usage to your individual lives. When you see that screen time report on Sunday morning, be proud of the work you’ve put in to find that healthy balance. Feel free to share some of your favorite strategies with us, we’d love to hear from you!

Have more questions or feel like you need therapy? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Beukeboom, C. J. & Pollmann, M. (2021). Partner phubbing: Why using your phone during interactions with your partner can be detrimental for your relationship. Computers in Human Behavior, 124, 1-11. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2021.106932

Brevers, D. & Turel, O. (2019). Strategies for self-controlling social media use: Classification and role in preventing social media addiction symptoms. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 8(3), 554-563. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.8.2019.49

Cajochen, C., Frey, S., Anders, D., Späti, J., Bues, M., Pross, A., Mager, R., Wirz-Justice, A., & Stefani, O. (2011). Evening exposure to a light-emitting diodes (LED)-backlit computer screen affects circadian physiology and cognitive performance. Journal of Applied Physiology, 110(5), 1432-1438. https://doi.org/10.1152/japplphysiol.00165.2011

Christensen, M. A., Bettencourt, L., Kaye, L., Moturu, S. T., Nguyen, K. T., Olgin, J. E., Pletcher, M. J., & Marcus, G. M. (2016). Direct measurements of smartphone screen-time: Relationships with demographics and sleep. PLoS ONE, 11(11), 1-14. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0165331

Fitz, N., Kushlev, K., Jagannathan, R., Lewis, T., Paliwal, D., & Ariely, D. (2019). Batching smartphone notifications can improve well-being. Computers in Human Behavior, 101, 86-84. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.07.016

Gao, B., Liu, Y., Shen, Q., Fu, C., Li, W., & Li, X. (2023). Why cannot I stop phubbing? Boredom proneness and phubbing: A multiple mediation model. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 16, 3727-3738. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S423371

Rosenthal, S. R., Zhou, J., & Booth, S. T. (2021). Association between mobile phone screen time and depressive symptoms among college students: A threshold effect. Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies, 3(3), 432-440. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbe2.256

Dr. Hannah Roberts · September 1, 2017 ·

Letting Go

For the last 18 years or so, a main part of your identity has been about being a parent. You’ve been known as “Emily’s mom.” Your days have been structured around your child’s schedule: what time school begins, what lunch needs they have, what time you have to get to practice, and what groceries need to be picked up. Your house has been constantly filled with the ambient sounds of childhood: first the crying, cooing and babbling; then the sounds of playtime; and more recently, the musical tastes of teens (but let’s admit it: you liked some of their music). And now, everything is eerily quiet. Your days feel strangely empty. Shouldn’t you be doing something? Shouldn’t you be worried about something?

These first few months after your student leaves for college can be disconcerting. And when stressors do arise – you feel helpless and unsure how to help. You can’t just swoop in like you did before. There is the physical distance standing in your way, as well as the legal (yes, the dreaded FERPA restrictions), and psychological distance. That distance can feel like a giant abyss between you and your child.

Your instinct is to leap over that chasm and keep doing what you’ve been doing. At this point, you’ve been worrying and hovering over every scraped knee and every tear shed – it is a comfortable and familiar role for you! And now, today is the day to try something different. And it will be ok.

Giving Some Space

You want nothing more than for you child to be a fully functioning adult. Truly, you want that even more than you want to feel needed. And the only way your child is going to mature into an adult is to learn by doing. And to learn what not to do by doing, as well.

They will make mistakes (so many mistakes). They will change their mind (so many times). They will be disappointed. They will feel rejected. It’s going to hurt to watch these things play out or to see them make choices that may be different from those you would choose for them, but this is the only way for them to learn and grow.

Your role is to now serve as a consultant or advisor… from a distance. When they ask you for help, don’t deny it, but instead reflect questions back to them, asking them what solutions they can think of, including what they think would work best and what they think they can do. Your child’s [perceived] lack of success is not your failure. If you need to vent about these struggles, find an alternative listening ear and keep a neutral, reflective approach when you talk with your student.

Making Communication Clear

If you haven’t already had a conversation with your child about communication, now is the time. Talk about what their preference is and talk about what’s realistic for you. Find a middle ground if possible and talk about emergencies as well. At minimum, it’s probably best to have a dedicated once-weekly check-in time. I’m guessing early in the morning isn’t great for them, and late at night is not so good for you. We’ve often found Sunday afternoons are most convenient: there’s not as much happening on campus and you will be a welcome study break for them.

You might also discuss texting – how much is too much (for them) and how much is too little (for you). Most students welcome fun update texts (with pics of the family dog) that do not require a response. If you do need a response to a text, state that clearly in your message and include a specific time frame.

Set a reasonable expectation for home and campus visits. It is often helpful if your student can stay mostly on campus their first term. If they are missing you (or you are missing them), it might be easier for you to visit them. That way, they don’t sacrifice study time for travel and they can show you their space and introduce you to friends and roommates.

Finding Your Own Path

Be sure to acknowledge all of the many emotions you may be experiencing, both the positive and negative ones. Most of us get really uncomfortable with negative emotions… we don’t like feelings like grief, sadness, and fear. Yet, these are going to be very normal parts of your transition. Acknowledge all emotions, but do not make it your child’s responsibility to soothe those emotions, or expect your student to have the same emotions. What can be helpful is to identify the core value behind those emotions and reframe them in a positive way. You are sad because you miss someone you love. It’s ok to acknowledge the sadness, but keep the emphasis on the love. And if you find that these emotions are getting in the way of your own thriving, then make sure you find your own support with a parent group (Cal Poly’s Parent Facebook Page is great), your spouse, a great therapist, or coach (more about us here).

Use this newfound space and time to do something positive for yourself. What’s that thing you’ve been wanting to do? Set an example for you child by learning a new skill, picking up a hobby, or fostering a new friendship. You student may have secret fears that all your happiness, hopes, and dreams rest on their shoulder – this can contribute to an unspoken sense of pressure and anxiety. If your child sees that you are doing fine with this change, it lets them know that they can be ok with the change as well.

One last thought: Say “I love you” often. You can’t really say it too much. Even if they don’t always say it back. Words are so much more important when there’s physical distance and your love makes all the difference in your child’s confidence and success.