college life

Dr. Hannah Roberts · September 26, 2024 ·

5 Ways to Combat

Homesickness and Loneliness in College

By Ellen M. Jones, M.A., LMFT, Thrive Therapist

“‘When you feel homesick,’ he said, ‘just look up.

Because the moon is the same wherever you go.'”

~Donna Tart

It’s time for another new school year! As you return from a summer at home, or as you take your first steps as a college student on your new campus, you might notice that things feel different than they did at home. There are exciting new experiences, people to meet, food to enjoy, and events to partake in, but sometimes amongst all the excitement, you might be missing home and feeling lonely. I remember my first year at Cal Poly, SLO when all of the fun from the Week of Welcome ended — I was feeling a little down and lost from missing my community back home. I had a roommate who was rarely in our room, something that I thought I would love, but ended up making me feel pretty lonely. I didn’t have a car to drive the 230+ miles home and visit and it just seemed like everyone else had more friends than I did. I was homesick.

Perhaps a little homesickness has crept into your excitement and with it, some feelings of anxiety and/or depression. Although mild homesickness is completely normal and part of the universal human experience, intense homesickness can be deeply distressing and debilitating (Thurber, 2012). As psychologist, John T. Cacioppo (2008), writes in Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, “When we are lonely, we not only react more intensely to the negatives; we also experience less of a soothing uplift from the positives.” In other words, when we are homesick and feeling alone, we are more likely to give into negative ways of thinking and less likely to allow ourselves to feel comfort. When we feel alone, life just gets a little more difficult.

What can I do to help combat my homesickness and loneliness?

Stay Connected with Your Friends and Family at Home

Just because your support system may be physically far away, does not mean that you have to be emotionally distant from them. Reaching out to your community for support during a challenging time is an important part of your mental health. Snap a photo of something that reminds you of a friend at home and send it to them, or give them a call when something exciting happens in your day. These are some of my favorite ways to stay connected with my loved ones from afar. No matter how far you are from home or how lonely you feel, don’t forget about the people at home because they want to hear from you — stay connected to your roots.

Create a New Routine for Yourself.

Along with utilizing your support system at home, it is important to focus on your day-to day in your new life and create a routine for yourself. As you start a new school year, this is the perfect time to focus on building healthy habits. Check out our recent blog articles about self-care and sleep quality for some pointers on what to be incorporating into your new routine. Focusing on what your day-to-day looks like can help you to stay present and engaged in the world you are curating around you. Being present with your current experience can be an important part of dealing with the homesickness.

Connect to Nature

Nature can also be an incredible source for feeling belonging and keeping loneliness away (especially the existential kind). In the 1960s, psychiatrist Harold Searles voiced this notion by stating that the natural world remains an integral part of the human psychological experience and to ignore this aspect is, “at peril to [our] psychological well-being” (Passmore, & Howell, 2014, p. 376). In a study conducted by psychologists within a shopping mall, natural elements were put into place and then removed to study a correlation between nature and sociability. In this study they found, “Even within built environments, brief exposure to natural elements has been shown to be conducive to improving social connections” (Passmore, & Howell, 2014, pg 378). So even if you’re engaging with Nature alone, you are spending time potentially in service of your social connections (along with the enjoyment of engaging with Nature itself). Nature is helpful at reminding us that when we are alone, it is always there for us. Check out our other blog post about the benefits of time in Nature.

Engage Socially & Build Community on Campus

Another important aspect for fighting off feelings of homesickness and loneliness in college is to get involved in campus life. Orient yourself to your new campus and get a good understanding of where the university services are located. It is important that you know where to go if you feel like you need help on campus. Along with this, check out the clubs and social gatherings happening all around you. Have you ever had an interest in learning to rock climb or throwing pottery or learning to basket weave? There’s probably a campus club for that. Do you identify as a POC, LGBTQIA+ or part of a marginalized community? There are safe spaces for belonging on campus. Connecting with like-minded individuals will help you to feel less lonely on campus. If you’re feeling shy, try introducing yourself to the person next to you in class or attending a club event as a spectator. If you’re feeling debilitating social anxiety, it might be time to talk with a professional.

Seek Professional Support

Talking to a professional therapist can be crucial if homesickness and loneliness in college is keeping you from reaching your full potential. While some of these difficult feelings are completely normal during such a big transition, if they feel debilitating or like they may be hindering you, it might be time to get some professional support. I have worked with many students and understand the intricacies of how loneliness, homesickness, social anxiety, and feelings of depression can show up in college. Schedule a session with me today and we can work together to find a deeper path to healing.

Along with the above tips, it is helpful to remember: you are not alone. Hopefully, reaching out for support from family, friends, and professionals can help you to remember this when your homesickness and loneliness in college begin to feel like a burden.

We hope you enjoyed this blog post. Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post.

References

Cacioppo, John T., et al. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. Tantor Media.

Passmore, H.-A., & Howell, A. J. (2014). Eco-existential positive psychology: Experiences in nature, existential anxieties, and well-being. The Humanistic Psychologist, 42(4), 370–388.

Thurber, Christopher A., and Edward A. Walton. (2012). “Homesickness and adjustment in university students.” Journal of American College Health 60(5) 415–419. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2012.673520.

Dr. Hannah Roberts · August 8, 2024 ·

The First Year of College:

Procrastination and Academics

By: Ella-Mei Matias, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

“Procrastination makes easy things hard

and hard things harder.”

-Mason Cooley

As we near end of summer, many incoming freshmen are preparing for the huge life change of entering college. Among many other things, this often includes orientation events, moving away from home, entering a new environment, and facing new challenges. Understandably, this time can be stressful and may come with anxiety. One common worry that incoming freshmen have is about adapting to a new academic environment. Colleges and universities are typically perceived to be more rigorous than previous high school experiences. Fortunately, there are some key habits and mindsets you can build that can help ease this transition and help you adapt to college academics with ease.

Procrastination

One behavior to be aware of is procrastination. Many of us tend to procrastinate – a study found that 96.1% of undergraduate students have moderate to severe levels of academic procrastination (Ghasempour, 2024). It happens to the best of us, and often times, it’s happening subconsciously. Procrastination can seem difficult to combat, but understanding why we procrastinate can help us to act more mindfully. In fact, anxiety and stress are significant predictors of academic procrastination (Rezaei-Gazki, 2024). Add in the stress of this time of big life transitions, and incoming college students are often prone to procrastination (Prenderghast, 2023). Changing life circumstances, alongside these new academic standards and expectations leaves many students finding themselves underprepared or struggling to keep up with their assignments — which can further perpetuate feelings of stress.

When stressed, many of us might want to avoid the very thing that causes us stress (Lieberman, 2019). In fact, procrastination often stems from our negative emotions about doing a task and results when we engage in other activities to relieve the stress we have about completing the task (Rezaei-Gazki, 2024). Essentially, the act of procrastination is us prioritizing our short-term happiness over long-term results (Lieberman, 2019). Procrastination can lead to a variety of consequences, such as being negatively correlated with assignment grades, quiz scores, final course grades, and overall GPA (Rezaei-Gazki, 2024).

Interestingly, although many of us only view procrastination as hurting our academic performance, it has been found that habitual procrastination can also lead to emotional and mental consequences. In fact, one study found that procrastination can lead to negative emotional and cognitive repercussions, such as decreased self-confidence, decreased self-esteem, and raised anxiety levels (Ghasempour, 2024). Furthermore, as procrastination affects our performance on tasks, it can lead to an altered perception of our ability to complete a task (Shah, 2024).

As with many challenges in life, being prepared is a great way to approach your new academic environment. Here are some ways you can avoid procrastination and prepare for success in your newfound college-level academics:

Mindfulness & Mindset

Because procrastination is exacerbated by negative emotion regulation, there are some ways we can mindfully decrease this habit. One key way to decrease our procrastination is by altering the way we emotionally relate to the tasks we’re faced with. By reframing the way that we perceive a task and our emotions surrounding that task, we can feel more positive and hopeful, and talk back to our originally negative thoughts about completing a task that cause us to procrastinate (Lieberman, 2019). Instead of regarding a task as daunting and something we would rather avoid, we can focus on the positives of the task and find an intrinsic motivation to accomplish. For example, “finishing this paper will help me be better at my future job” or “I will feel good about myself if I finish this paper on time” or ” I want to do well in this class, so I will finish this paper”. By creating more positive emotions about the things we need to do, we can avoid the negative thoughts relating to that task, and therefore, reduce our procrastination.

Furthermore, because procrastination stems from prioritizing our short-term fulfillment over long-term benefit, it helps to focus on our priorities. For example, when faced with an un-fun task, think about how good it will feel to finish the task, instead of focusing on how long it will take or how hard it will be (Codina, 2024). It also helps to think about the relationship between our future aspirations and outcomes and how they relate to our well-being or life goals (Codina, 2024). In other words, by reframing our mindset to associate our current mood and goals with the things we want in the future, we can bridge the gap between long-term and short-term results, decreasing our procrastination behavior.

There are personal mindset factors that can make us more vulnerable to procrastination. Interestingly, research shows that self-esteem and procrastination have a bi-directional relationship. As mentioned earlier, procrastinating can lead to a lowered self-esteem, but self-esteem also determines if we procrastinate. Specifically, having a low-self esteem can lead to an increased fear of failure – which can increase chances of procrastinating (Ghasempour, 2024). Having a strong feeling of competence, autonomy, and self-regulation helps to create a higher quality of motivation, and helps to limit and reduce the emotions that lead to procrastination (Codina, 2024). By taking time to be mindful and kind to ourselves with our self-talk, we can nurture our self-concept and increase our belief that we can complete the task, which improves our motivation.

Reframing our thoughts might seem easier said than done, but with practice, mindful reflection, and identifying internal motivators, you can reduce procrastination.

Organization

Procrastination can make it more difficult to stay on top of your academic demands, but these problems can be worsened without organization. During a time where you are juggling many unique classes, each with their own assignments and projects, organization is key to academic success. Everyone has a different method of organization that works for them. For example, some like to plan out their weeks, schedules, and assignments through an app, or by using a physical planner, or by keeping a to-do list. You can also ensure organization by setting weekly — or daily — goals for yourself, and managing your time. In order to be organized, you must know what to expect in your classes.

One key part of knowing what to expect in your classes is knowing when assignments are due, and planning accordingly. Personally, I was nervous about keeping track of all my different assignments for my various classes, so at the beginning of each class, I made it a point to look at the syllabus or go to office hours to ask my professor what the assignment course load would look like. For example, some classes may assign a smaller-weighted weekly assignment, and others may only assign three larger-scale projects for the whole quarter. Knowing what assignments are needed in each class for the term and how much work you are given can help you allot your time accordingly.

It can also be tricky to keep track of all sorts of different assignments for different classes. Many classes will often have a set day of the week when work is expected to be due, which can make it easier to plan your homework schedule. For example, if I knew that class A had two assignments due, one on Monday, and one on Wednesday, I would do those assignments on Sunday and Tuesday, respectively. And if I knew that class B has assignments due on Tuesday and Thursday, I would do that class’ assignments on Monday and Wednesday. This can vary with schedules and classes, but essentially, by learning the pattern of assignments in each class, you can plan your weeks in advance and create study habits based on which assignments you know to work on each day.

Scheduling That Works for You

Knowing what class work you can expect is helpful, but it can be tricky finding time to study amongst all the social activities, life adjustments, and classes during the busy and exciting time of college. Another way to to reliably get work done is by allotting time in your schedule so that you can do homework. By making your schedule fit with your life and setting aside designated homework times, you can seamlessly implement time for academics, no matter how busy you are.

There are a few key things you should keep in mind when considering what your homework schedule should look like. As I mentioned above, it helps to create a schedule based on what assignments are due on which days — but also consider:

Do you work better in the morning or in the evening?
Do you work better in multiple short sessions of work or fewer long sessions?
What locations you find yourself the most productive in?
Do you have any conflicting social plans coming up?

It is also important to look at your existing schedule and see what times you could set aside for homework that would be most compatible. For example, if I have a two hour break between two of my classes, I may decide to schedule that break to do some homework. Similarly, if my classes start later on a specific day, I may do homework on those mornings. The best way to stay on top of your academic load is by finding times to naturally incorporate work-time into your schedule that works best with your existing commitments, without trying to squeeze it in last-minute.

A time of such immense life changes can be daunting, especially when it comes to the changes in academic rigor that you’ll be facing. Ask for help if you find yourself needing it. Don’t let procrastination trip you up during your first semester of university (or anytime in your academic career)! Be gentle with yourself and remember that you are learning and adapting, and in time, you will find the ways that work best for you!

Feel like you need support as a college student or you’re ready to start therapy in California today? Schedule a session with one of our therapists! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post.

References

Codina, N., Castillo, I., Pestana, J. V., & Valenzuela, R. (2024). Time perspectives and procrastination in university students: exploring the moderating role of basic psychological need satisfaction. BMC Psychology, 12(1), NA. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1186/s40359-023-01494-8

Ghasempour, S., Babaei, A., Nouri, S., Basirinezhad, M. H., & Abbasi, A. (2024). Relationship between academic procrastination, self-esteem, and moral intelligence among medical sciences students: a cross-sectional study. BMC Psychology, 12(1), NA. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1186/s40359-024-01731-8

Lieberman, C. (2019, March 25). Why You Procrastinate (It Has Nothing to Do With Self-Control). The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html

Prendergast, C., & Miller, J. (2023, August 30). Moving Away To College? Here’s How To Cope With Anxiety About Leaving Home. Forbes Health. https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/moving-anxiety-college/

Rezaei-Gazki, P., Ilaghi, M., & Masoumian, N. (2024). The triangle of anxiety, perfectionism, and academic procrastination: exploring the correlates in medical and dental students. BMC Medical Education, 24(1), NA. http://dx.doi.org.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/10.1186/s12909-024-05145-3

Shah, H., Ahmed, S., Raza, S. M., Irshad, M., Fahim, H., & Usman, T. (2024). Relationship between academic procrastination and self-efficacy amongst dental undergraduate students at a public university in Karachi, Pakistan. Journal of Pakistan Medical Association, 74(4), 719. https://link-gale-com.calpoly.idm.oclc.org/apps/doc/A788735286/AONE?u=calpolyw_csu&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=670a6b27

Dr. Hannah Roberts · September 7, 2017 ·

Dear New College Student:

Congrats! You have made it through that magical, frustrating experience that is high school and are headed off to college! Here is a simple strategy to survive college:

Take It Slow

Didn’t see that one coming? I know. I’m sure everyone in your life is telling you that “these will be the best years of your life.” And you’re getting a lot of advice about making friends, joining every club, going Greek, getting a job, and even how to drink as a university student. All those to-dos can leave college freshmen and transfers nearly paralyzed with overwhelm. So let’s try something different: take your time. Slow down and get tour bearings before you dive in.

Relationships

Yes, relationships are an important part of how to survive college. Know that the first people you meet in college do not need to be your forever friends or your future spouse. Many friendships are built around shared experiences, and while there are many wonderful experiences during Orientation/Week of Welcome, there are often many more bonding moments throughout life. Your roommate does not need to be your sister from another mother – be aware that roommates often have their own honeymoon phase where they first are amazed by all of the wonderful similarities they have, but then quickly spiral into tense arguments when differences show up.

Sex

And, speaking of relationships, sex can wait too. Just because you haven’t yet doesn’t mean you never will. And if you’re not really interested, it’s probably a sign not to push through or to let the other person convince you. Believe me, it’s not worth saying “yes” because you can’t think of why to say “no.” Survive college with fewer hookup regrets.

Parties

When it comes to parties, don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. You do not need to prove your worth based on how many shots you’ve taken. Not everyone drinks in college and just because you don’t drink tonight doesn’t mean you never will. Survive college without incurring underage drinking or possession of alcohol charges, as well as avoiding hospital visits for alcohol overdose.

Greek Rush

Don’t rush into Rush. Focus on getting grounded and having a positive routine before you think about Greek Life. Fraternity and sorority recruitment take up an incredible amount of time and quite an emotional toll as well. It’s easy to lose track of all that’s happening in your life when you’re headed from one event to another. Maybe that’s why they call it rush? Many universities delay rush for that reason. If you have a choice to think about rushing in winter or spring, or even your sophomore year, choose that! You will end up knowing so much more about the chapters that you choose and you will feel great about them choosing you on bid day.

Schedule It!

One other simple strategy to take it slow and survive college? Put all of the following into a schedule (you can use your calendar on your phone) and protect that schedule no matter what!

Time For You: Find quiet spaces where you can connect with yourself. Don’t forget who you are in this time of transition.
Study Time: Break your assignments and studying down into small, manageable slots most days. Don’t save long, epic cramming sessions for right before finals.
Office Hours: Your professors are there to help, but it’s your responsibility to show up and prove you want to learn. Office hours are a great way to demonstrate your commitment to success, as well as to get to know your faculty.
Nutrition: Eat slowly and mindfully. This also helps with those of you that get tummy troubles when you have stress or anxiety. Looking for more tips on how to eat mindfully – check out this blog post by Dr. Albers, a mindful eating specialist.
Move Your Body: Exercise is a fantastic way to break up an academic day and keep your mind and body healthy and balanced.
Sleep: Try to keep sleep as consistent as possible for optimal brain functioning. Go to bed at the same time most nights and try to aim for seven to nine hours of sleep!

Feeling anxious? Not sure how to make this first year work for you? Got caught in all the excitement and now you’ve fallen behind? We are here for you! Contact us today to schedule a consultation and see if coaching or therapy is right for you!