LGBTQ Affirming

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 22, 2024 ·

Integrating Faith and Your LGBTQ Identity:

It Doesn’t Have to Be Either/Or

“My faith is a choice.

My morality is a choice.

My sexual orientation however isn’t.”
― Anthony Venn-Brown

by Gavin Hannegan, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo undergraduate intern, supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts

Religion and sexuality are two identities that are often viewed as incompatible, but they do not have to be. Who we love and what we believe in are important aspects of who we are; sacrificing one over the other prevents us from living as authentically as possible. Religion and sexuality are also very sensitive topics. It can feel scary to talk about integrating your faith and your LGBTQ identity freely. It can feel even scarier to think about them in the same context. With this post, I hope to ease some of these tensions and recommend ways to bring these identities into harmony.

#1: Recognize That Queerness and Faith Can Be Complementary

If a total integration of faith and your LGBTQ identity seems too daunting at first, try finding small ways to incorporate one of these identities with the other. In one study, religious LGBTQ+ individuals reported that finding themes of unconditional love from their religions helped them feel more accepting of their queer identities (Rosenkrantz et al., 2016). The same study also found that people were encouraged to explore and personalize their relationship with their religion after reflecting on their unique experience as a member of the LGBTQ+ community (Rosenkrantz et al., 2016). These strategies can help you learn to love each of these identities individually and will make the integration process feel much smoother.

#2: Reread Your Religion’s Scripture

Some of the passages from religious texts that are considered anti-LGBTQ+ may be misinterpreted. The culture of today does not always align with that of the authors of such texts, and the meanings of certain words or phrases may have shifted over time. Such sentiments may also be intertwined with specific political views and agendas (Worthen et al., 2017). Feel free to come up with your own interpretation of these texts to best fit your own unique circumstances. Or talk with local religious leaders or members of the community to hear their perspectives on passages of interest.

#3: Look for LGBTQ-Affirming Places of Worship

More and more religious organizations have expressed their commitment to LGBTQ equality and have opened their doors to people of all backgrounds. Unfortunately, there are still some groups that are more ambiguous or are even outwardly against expressions of queerness. Take some time to research local places of worship and find a place where you would feel accepted and safe integrating faith and your LGBTQ identity. Examples of affirming places of worship in SLO County include the United Church of Christ, Saint Barnabas’ Episcopal Church, and Congregation Beth David. GayChurch.org has also compiled a directory of all LGBTQ+ affirming churches in the world. These spaces are also useful for connecting you with your LGBTQ+ religious peers, who can help guide your identity development (Fuist, 2016).

#4: Integrate Your Identities at Your Own Pace

There are many different ways to live as both a queer person and a person of faith (Fuist, 2016). Some people may feel comfortable speaking about their experience as a queer person in a religious setting (or vice versa) to inspire openness and acceptance among others. Some people might only feel comfortable treating faith and queerness as separate hats to wear. Other people still might treat their religion as a personal experience and may not attend places of worship. How you choose to experience your identities is entirely up to you, but allow yourself the opportunity and the grace to explore these identities together.

Have more questions or feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Fuist, T. N. (2016). “It just always seemed like it wasn’t a big deal, yet I know for some people they really struggle with it”: LGBT religious identities in context. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 55(4), 770-786. https://doi.org/10.1111/jssr.12291

Rosenkrantz, D. E., Rostosky, S. S., Riggle, E. D. B., & Cook, J. R. (2016). The positive aspects of intersecting religious/spiritual and LGBTQ identities. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 3(2), 127-138. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/scp0000095

Worthen, M. G. F., Lingiardi, V., & Caristo, C. (2017). The roles of politics, feminism, and religion in attitudes toward LGBT individuals: A cross-cultural study of college students in the USA, Italy, and Spain. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 14, 241-258. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-016-0244-y

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 15, 2024 ·

Hello Thrivers!

This month, you’ll be hearing more from us as we are introducing a new blog!

Our intern, Gavin Hannegan is an undergraduate student at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts. He’ll be sharing some weekly blog posts that we think you might find helpful regarding queer identities (LGBTQIA+) and queer-affirming therapy, which is a special passion for us here at Thrive SLO. We’re so glad to have you join us for this conversation!

Support Your Trans Child: Best Practices

“I can’t begin to express how remarkable it feels

to finally love who I am enough

to pursue my authentic self.”

-Elliot Page, actor

Coming out as trans is not an easy thing to do. For many transgender children, they have been planning to tell their parents for months, years, or even decades. If they come out to you, that means that your child trusts you with personal information. They want to share with you their true, authentic self. Knowing that you want to support your child is an important first step, but how best to do that? With all of the prejudice against LGBTQ+ people occurring around the world, can your support make a difference? Yes it can!

Here are 5 practices to help you best support your trans child.

#1: It’s Okay to Give Yourself Time to Process

It is totally normal to feel unsure or confused about your child’s trans identity. That does not make you a bad parent! One strategy that other parents of trans children have found helpful is to allow yourself some grace as you adjust what you may have expected your child’s life to be like (Sansfaçon et al., 2019). Through this reflection, you can better attend to the needs of your child. It is also okay to be honest with your child and let them know how you are feeling, but don’t let your grief dominate your relationship. Tell them that you are supportive but that you need time to process. Chances are that your child also needed some time to come to terms with their identity.

#2: Find a Support Group with Other Parents of Trans Children

There are plenty of other parents who have gone through similar situations. Reach out to any parents in your community with trans children and ask for their advice. These parents can validate your feelings and direct you to resources to help support your trans child, including where to access gender-affirming medical care. Or, if you don’t know anyone with a trans child, join a support group online. Support groups have been found to improve parents’ understanding of their child’s gender identity, strengthen the relationship between parent and child, and foster a sense of empowerment (Dangaltcheva et al., 2021). Building connections with trans allies is an especially important tool for combating systemic prejudice.

#3: Engage in Open Conversations With the LGBTQ+ Community

These conversations can seem intimidating, but they are important to have. Enter these conversations with a desire to learn and a willingness to change your perspectives, if needed. You can watch videos made by trans individuals on platforms such as YouTube or TikTok. You should also give your child a safe space to talk more about their experiences as a trans individual. It’s possible that you may say the wrong thing or not know how to respond–and that’s okay! The goal here is to support your trans child by letting them feel heard.

#4: Help Your Child Seek Out Gender-Affirming Medical Care

While not essential for everyone, many trans children seek out medical care (when age and developmentally appropriate) to help them physically transition into their experienced gender identity. This can include, but not limited to, hormone therapy, top surgery, or speech therapy. With parental support, trans and gender non-conforming youth report feeling more confident accessing and utilizing gender-affirming medical care (Pflugeisen et al., 2023). Your child should determine what type of care they need, although be sure to have you and your child consult with a medical professional throughout the process. Your support can include financial resources, researching gender-affirming medical practitioners, or accompanying your child to appointments.

#5: Love Your Child for Who They Are!

The most important resource you can provide for your trans child is love. Their trans identity is just one part of who they are. The core human being that you’ve loved for all of their life has not changed. By continuing to accept and love your child, the relationship between you two may become even stronger (Sansfaçon et al., 2015). Also, remember that this is your child’s journey, not yours. Don’t let your anxieties keep you from showing your child the respect and appreciation that they deserve. Even if the process towards acceptance is longer than you would think, the hard work that both of you put into this relationship will pay off.

Have more questions or feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

Dr. Hannah Roberts · February 8, 2024 ·

Hello Thrivers!

This month, you’ll be hearing more from us as we are introducing a new blog!

Our intern, Gavin Hannegan is an undergraduate student at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo supervised by Dr. Hannah Roberts. He’ll be sharing some weekly blog posts we think you might find helpful regarding queer identities (LGBTQIA+) and queer-affirming therapy, which is a special passion for us here at Thrive SLO. We’re so glad to have you join us for this conversation!

A Brief Guide to Coming Out

“We are not what other people say we are.

We are who we know ourselves to be, and we are what we love.

That’s okay.”

— Laverne Cox

One of many milestones for members of the LGBTQ+ community is coming out. Because we live in a world that assumes everyone is straight and cisgender, disclosing your queer or trans identity to others is an expected component to your identity development. While this process may be intimidating, coming out can also be relieving and empowering. Before anything else, be proud that you have reached a point where you are feeling ready to share your true identity with others.

Even if you’re ready to come out, you may be asking, “How do I come out?” Everyone experiences their identities in different ways, so there may not be a one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are 4 important factors to consider when deciding to come out.

#1: Consider the Context

It may be necessary to consider the who, where, and when of the coming out process. Unfortunately, some individuals may be less receptive to LGBTQ+ identities due to cultural, religious, or other personal reasons (Tamagawa 2017). Some countries even criminalize LGBTQ+ status. Although the U.S. is moving towards a greater acceptance of LGBTQ+ folk, younger cohorts of queer people are just as likely as older cohorts to have their identities invalidated by their parents (van Bergen et al., 2021). Even more concerning, the threat of violence affects how freely trans individuals express their identity (Brumbaugh-Johnson & Hull, 2018). While you deserve to present yourself authentically, recognize that your personal safety is also important. This is especially imperative for queer and trans youth under the age of 18.

#2: There Are Many Different Ways to Come Out

You can choose to sit down with a close friend or family member when you are coming out and come out to them in private. You can also leave a note or send a text if you want to avoid seeing others’ initial reactions. Coming out can be as grand as a PowerPoint presentation or as simple as a matter-of-fact statement. You can even come out indirectly through a meme or a video made by someone else. The “right” way to come out depends on what you are most comfortable with. Additionally, what you disclose is entirely up to you. If you need inspiration, check out the variety of coming out videos posted on YouTube. Many of these videos do a great job of framing coming out not simply as an announcement, but as the culmination of a personal journey towards self-love (Lovelock 2019).

#3: You Will Likely Have to Come Out More Than Once

Coming out is an ongoing process. In addition to friends and family, you might also have to come out to your boss, coworkers, medical care providers, and other people that you encounter regularly. For those who are disclosing their sexuality, the coming out process is much simpler, and can often amount to you referring to the name of your romantic partner, for example. However, there may be additional steps for those who are disclosing their gender identity. This may include asking others to refer to you using your preferred name and pronouns or updating your medical records. Trans individuals may even have to come out twice to the same person if they previously came out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

#4: You Are Not Alone

There are millions of LGBTQ+ individuals who have experienced the same concerns, fears, or excitement that coming out brings. There are also millions of straight and cisgender allies who are eager to support you in this process. Ask for help when you need it! Strong social networks, whether in your local community or online, can share advice, congratulate you each time you come out, and connect you to affirming organizations. You can also ask others to be in the room with you as you come out, or you can even ask others to come out for you. People that love you for who you are will allow you to love yourself for who you are. And remember that there is no rush to come out. Take as much time as you need to feel comfortable, safe, and proud.

Feel like you need more support in life? Schedule a session with one of our therapists today! You can schedule online here!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post! Have more topics you’d like us to blog about? Contact us and we’ll be sure to include your topic in a future post!

References

Brumbaugh-Johnson, S. M. & Hull, K. E. (2018). Coming out as transgender: Navigating the social implications of a transgender identity. Journal of Homosexuality, 66(8), 1148-1177. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2018.1493253.

Lovelock, M. (2019). “My coming out story”: Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth identities on YouTube. International Journal of Cultural Studies, 22(1), 70-85. https://doi.org/10.1177/1367877917720237.

Tamagawa, M. (2017). Coming out to parents in Japan: A sociocultural analysis of lived experiences. Sexuality & Culture, 22, 497-520. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-017-9481-3.

van Bergen, D. D., Wilson, B. D. M., Russell, S. T., Gordon, A. G., & Rothblum, E. D. (2021). Parental responses to coming out by lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or two-spirited people across three age cohorts. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(4), 1116-1133. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12731.