Sarah Park

Sarah Park · December 2, 2024 ·

November 6, 2024, it’s 5am, I had been sleeping but something tells me to check my phone for the official election results. It is as I feared, Trump won. Suspecting that this would be the case and knowing it is the case felt like two different things. My thoughts instantly go to my many clients and friends on the gender spectrum, my heart hurts for all of us in the LGBTQIA community. I just didn’t know if I can bear the weight of the collective despair. I felt overwhelmed and stuck.

November 7, 2024, it’s time to organize. It’s time to look around my little corner of the world to try and figure out how I can DO something. In session, one of my clients remind me of the need for community, resource sharing and connection during these uncertain times. Today Under the Umbrella Gender Spectrum Support Group is born.

It’s taken some time to figure out the logistics and we are now ready to share this resource with all of you. Come and join us for our first monthly support group, taking place on December 10 at 6pm in SLO, hosted by myself (Dr. Sarah Park, she/her), Ellen Jones, LMFT (she/her), and community member Alexis Jacobs (she/her). This group is on a pay what you can basis with a suggested donation of $20 a group.

As an extra safety precaution I will ask that if you would like to attend you email me directly at sarahjoypark@gmail.com. I will share with you the group rules, location of the group and you will be added to our sign in sheet.

Let’s work together to build an even more robust gender spectrum community in SLO!

Sarah Park · September 21, 2023 ·

A fantasy I have fostered over many years is if I just do the things better and harder and more then finally, I will be seen, heard, and cared for.

This is not my first post on this theme yet it’s still relevant. I’ve been thinking about my lifetime of hanging on, no matter what. Challenging toxic systems, working at relationships that don’t want to work, and pursuing goals that no-longer fit. I am very familiar with trying to work harder, be better, and becoming more and more articulate about what I need. A fantasy I have fostered over many years is if I just do the things better and harder and more then finally, I will be seen, heard, and cared for. Somehow, I’ve also been ignoring or discounting the very real evidence to the contrary.

We are going to take a quick but important detour into manifesting.

Now stick with me, we are going to take a quick but important detour into manifesting. When Hannah and I started dreaming about Thrive, that’s all it was, a dream. We were studying for part of our CA licensing exam and during our study breaks we started dreaming of what we could build together. That was in 2015. Each step of the way we continued to cultivate clarity about what we needed next. Each time our needs have been met.

We had not advertised, we had not talked to other people, all we had done is simply give voice our specific need.

Ready for more office space? We find two offices that are reasonably priced and in a good location. I remember being anxious about taking on the extra expense but within a month I was able to easily cover the cost with client fees. Hannah and I have seen this process happen over and over. Once we decided we were ready for new trainees. On a Friday afternoon, before leaving the office, Hannah voiced this desire and I agreed. We were contacted by multiple trainees within the next week. We had not advertised, we had not talked to other people, all we had done is simply give voice our specific need. I am a believer in manifesting.

Critical part of letting go AND manifesting is the act of “making space”.

What does that have to do with letting go? I’ve realized another critical part of letting go AND manifesting is the act of “making space”. When we invest in the systems, people, and dynamics that no-longer serve us then we are filling up all our space, time, and energy with those things. I can manifest all I want but without the emotional, physical, and spiritual space available in our lives it is going to be difficult for those positive things to show up and have room to grow.

I realized that by not making real space for my private practice to grow I was just keeping myself in the toxic cycle of burnout and staying in a system that no-longer served me.

With all this in mind I finally did something I’ve been encouraging my clients to do for years, I quit a space that was no-longer serving me. I was planning to go into full time private practice in January 2024. I was going to stay three more months at my full-time job because I was feeling anxious about money and was feeling worried that I needed more time to build my client caseload. While on paper that sounds okay, I realized that by not making real space for my private practice to grow I was just keeping myself in the toxic cycle of burnout and staying in a system that no-longer served me. So, I quit. All I felt was relief. Within that same week I got 4 new clients without doing anything differently, except for, I made space.

I finally let go, like really let go. I feel free.

I still have a long way to go before I have a full and secure feeling caseload, and yet this is the most at peace I have felt for a long time. I finally let go, like really let go. I feel free. I can feel my energy and excitement about investing in my clients, trainees, and business. I am clearer than I have been in a long time. I feel spacious and I can see how hanging on to those old familiar ways felt comforting due to familiarity but that also limited me in ways I am only starting to discover.

I want you to feel alive, free, and spacious.

Most of us experience some version of holding ourselves back, often without awareness. It’s quite the journey to uncover the ways we may be stopping ourselves from getting what we need. I am forever grateful to my therapist who has patiently walked beside me as I’ve learned my own truth. This is a gift I’d like to give to you as well. I want you to feel alive, free, and spacious. Come see me at Thrive, there is space for you here.

If you would like some support with becoming more of yourself the ladies at Thrive SLO have your back. Schedule an appointment on-line!

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Sarah Park · January 4, 2023 ·

For better or worse, the holidays are over. We are now inundated with messages about change and self-improvement, often with an emphasis on diet and exercise. There is so much pressure to be different. You know, new year, new me. I find myself struggling to push back against the narrative that I must change something about myself to be worthy, to be accepted to be enough.

What if you leaned into who you are even more?

What if instead of committing to changing into this new person who goes to the gym 5 days a week and only eats kale salads, you become more you? What if you leaned into who you are even more? What if you tuned into your mind and body to more intuitively meet your own needs? Does you body want to move? What sounds good? Does your body need rest? Maybe take that nap. Is your body craving some sweets? Get what you really want. Are you craving connection? Reach out? Do you need some alone time to recharge? Hide in the bathroom? (As an introvert I highly recommend hiding in the bathroom during a social function in which you are feeling overstimulated.)

We are self regulating machines.

There is deep wisdom in our bodies and minds. We are self regulating machines. The problem is we’ve often lost touch with our needs. Fostering a deep trust in ourselves takes practice, patience and time.

How dare I ask for my need to be met? These were some old old messages I had been taught and boy was it hard to do something differently.

While I was in grad school I realized that I was really good at ignoring my needs. I didn’t know what a need look, felt or sounded like. I only met my own needs accidentally. I set out to figure out how to identify my needs, food seemed like a good place to start since I had many opportunities to try. I started to notice a pattern, at dinner time I’d often offer several options for dinner to my partner. I honestly thought that I felt equally interested in each option I offered. However, after my partner chose I often noticed either feeling excited or disappointed. Before offering the options I started to become curious about which option would make me feel excited. Then one day I decided just to ask for the option I wanted without offering options. When I tell you I was scared, that’s an understatement. How dare I ask for my need to be met? These were some old old messages I had been taught and boy was it hard to do something differently. As luck would have it my partner was happy to meet my need. This was the start of my need identification journey. A journey I’m still on to this day.

Let’s all work on becoming more of ourselves this year!

Here are three simple but not easy steps to tuning into your needs and meeting them.

Take your time to slow down. Check in with your physical body and your emotional state. Be curious about what is present for you.
Pick one area of your life to practice tuning in. The skills will naturally generalize to other areas as you practice.
Once you do something to attempt to meet your need really check in. Do you feel satisfied? Was there something else that would have felt better? Did something stop you from doing what you really needed?

The more you practice the above three steps the more natural that process will become. Let’s all work on becoming more of ourselves this year!

If you would like some support with becoming more of yourself the ladies at Thrive SLO have your back. Schedule an appointment on-line!

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Sarah Park · July 6, 2021 ·

Picture of a white woman with glasses on pointing to a chalkboard covered in writing.

I have recently reached a new level of understanding of the value of acknowledging that I don’t know the answer for something. Growing up I was often asked to function above my level of ability or development. There was little room for not knowing. Not knowing was dangerous and unacceptable on some level. So, I improvised, a lot. I did the best I could often without the proper external support.

Friendships were damaged and ended due in part to my lack of awareness of my own limitations.

As I grew into my early adult years this part of me that tried to make up for not knowing became more and more problematic. It was difficult to identify situations where a simple “I don’t know” or curiosity rather than knowing the answer was more important. I missed out on learning opportunities. Friendships were damaged and ended due in part to my lack of awareness of my own limitations. Limitations I had not been allowed to acknowledge to survive. I hurt people and myself, I was often left very confused at the conclusions of these interactions. Wasn’t I just trying to help? Wasn’t I just trying to keep my loved ones safe?

Letting go of the identities I had cultivated as the “high functioning” family member, the friend who “knows what to do” and even the “mother of the group” on a night out.

My training as a Gestalt therapist reminded me repeatedly that I cannot assume that I know what the person across from me is communicating without carefully exploring with them what their meaning is. If I cannot assume what they are communicating, then I certainly cannot assume what they should do about their situation. As this way of being sunk in professionally it took longer for it to take hold personally. Letting go of the identities I had cultivated as the “high functioning” family member, the friend who “knows what to do” and even the “mother of the group” on a night out. Those were and are difficult identities for me to relinquish.

When I don’t know my limits, then I lose the ability to truly connect and be seen.

The other day a family member reached out to me to ask what should happen in a situation involving another family member. I finally told them that “I don’t know, maybe ask them?”. There was a part of me that felt like I failed in that moment. There was a part of me screaming my opinion on what should be done. There was a much larger part of me that felt the relief of acknowledging not knowing. There is power in acknowledging my limits. When I don’t know my limits, then I lose the ability to truly connect and be seen. When I don’t acknowledge my limits, I automatically ignore someone else’s boundaries and self-sovereignty.

Honoring my limits and limitations without the need for feelings of shame or the internal admonition that I should know.

I have spent lots of my life invested in being the person who knows. I’m exhausted of expecting myself to know. I’d prefer to invest in my curiosity, practicing saying “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of an instant “yes, I’ll take care of that”. Honoring my limits and limitations without the need for feelings of shame or the internal admonition that I should know. When something new arises being willing to hear and learn from others.

If you can identify with any of this, I invite you to join me in “know it all recovery”.

Parts of this confession sting deeply but mostly it feels good to yell from the internet’s rooftops that I DON’T KNOW! I can be curious. I can learn new things. I can come alongside you and try and figure something out with you. I can even share my truth and truths that I have learned from others. What I don’t want to do any more is ignore my own limitations as well as the boundaries of others in the service of maintaining the identity of someone who knows. If you can identify with any of this, I invite you to join me in “know it all recovery”. It’s a much freer and authentic place to live, welcome.

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Sarah Park · May 24, 2021 ·

Today is Pansexual pride day. I just happened to notice it on social media, it warmed my pandemic heart.

Happy Pan Pride!!!

It took me a long time to embrace my sexuality and find a term that fit for me and my internal experience of my sexuality. I was 30 when I first heard the term pansexual. A definition lifted from the interwebs is “not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity”. That’s a good technical description for the way I’ve always felt. How I’ve often described it to others is I fall in love with a human, not genitals.

I fall in love with a human, not genitals.

I started dating my husband when I was 22. I didn’t find words for my queer identity until I was 30. I’m in the continual process of embracing that identity. Im now married to my amazing husband, a choice I’d make again and again, yet the invisibility of my identity can hurt. I’m assumed heterosexual, which is often a privilege, but my queerness is also invisible. I suspect that there are many of us in heterosexual appearing relationships with identities that are more expansive.

The middle is well populated yet unseen.

Several years ago I was listening to the podcast Savage Love, the podcaster said something to the effect of bisexual people need to come out more often to normalize the sexual spectrum. Pansexuality can feel like a preverbal no mans land, not gay enough to be queer and not hetero enough to be straight. As I’ve quietly come out to colleagues, friends and clients I’ve had so many people come out to me as identifying somewhere in the middle of the sexual spectrum. I’ve realized that middle is well populated yet often unseen.

Coming Out Still Isn’t Easy

Why am I sharing all this? Because I hope someone else reads this narrative and relates and maybe feels less alone. No one wants to feel like they are weird or the only one. We are connecting creatures by nature.
We are who we authentically say we are. I don’t have to prove my sexual identity, just like I don’t have to defend the fact that I’m a cis-female. Just like you don’t have to prove your gender identity, sexuality, gender presentation or even your crappy music taste.

Being seen is very important!

What has started to reduce my feelings of invisibility is asking my partner accurately understand, honor and name my sexuality. I’ve come out to more people more often. I’ve had conversations with more people about feelings of invisibility. I’ve occupied more queer spaces and been clear about my identity. I’ve engaged in more activism within the LGBT community. I feel slightly more seen and acknowledged, it’s a good feeling.

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

I don’t have a super profound point to all this. I just want to be seen and want to invite others to allow themselves to be seen. The biggest gift we can give ourselves be to be wholly and authentically ourselves. I am truly honored by those who let me see themselves and I am honored for all who have given me space to be seen.

With all that said….Happy Panpride Day!